I recall about 7 years ago, I experienced hurt like I had never seen before. The only thing I could do was cry. I thought about getting revenge but that wouldn’t change the outcome or the pain I endured. I was deeply hurt and embarrassed. I needed to save myself and my soul. I was depressed, confused, and lost. One day something hit me, my spirit was extremely low! I had no joy, no desire to be around others, and no motivation whatsoever. I was pregnant with my fourth child and wasn’t married and the child’s father had run off with another woman and married her. Although she had him, she would not let me rest either, the situation and she tried to break anything I had left. This man and I had been together for three years but undenounced to me, he was deeply living a double life. In addition to that, I had left my job and had no home or income. The moment I decided to give it to God, I had no idea the journey that was ahead of me. God had to strip everything away from me to restore me, my spirit was in control!
I started feeding my spirit. I started praying and reading my Bible more. I prayed for others, especially the ones who had caused my heartache. I prayed to be different from those who do others wrong. I wanted to be the change and experience true self-fulfilling, spiritual healing for myself. I wanted to know how my mom and grandmother were not able to retaliate when people did them wrong or even get mad about it. I wondered how they could seem so nonchalant about other’s people’s actions. People will tell you that coming to God is easy but developing that relationship is not as easy.
As I started to learn about myself and pour more into my spirit, I learned forgiveness like I have never seen before. I found peace like no other. I would find myself in the middle of the night in my prayer closet or laying in my bed, talking to God and praying. Some nights I would wake up, just to read a scripture. I wanted to be led by God and I wanted to hear what he had to say to me. I wanted to be a faithful servant. I wanted the child growing inside of me to experience the greatest love that anyone could imagine and I also wanted to be a better parent for my children. I wanted my prayers to cover them wherever they went.
After finding myself in church, my heart filled with peace, God’s love, and my spirit just flowing like a feather in the wind, I was able to face things that only God knew I couldn’t have faced without his love and peace in my spirit! I had become graceful, grateful, and was able to speak into other people’s lives! I was happy with myself, I had a healthy baby and my family was growing and prospering. I was enjoying being a mom and a child of God. I relied solely on all his promises for everything. The more my spirit overflowed with his love and peace, the more blessings kept coming in. I had been looking for a job for two years and had gotten no callbacks. March 4, 2016, I got a call about a job that I had prayed for since I was pregnant but required us to move but I was okay with that. I was headed out of town to drop my kids off at my mom and grandmother’s for the weekend so I could attend the drill. About 15 minutes into the trip, I got another call that my grandmother was put into the hospital. She had been sick off and on and I figured if I prayed for her and with her then God will surely prevail.
When I arrived at the hospital, she was in ICU. I had never seen her in that state before. She was awake but not talking, just lying there. I prayed with her, wrote scriptures down, and left the paper in her hand, kissed her, and told her I’d see her when I returned on Sunday. She smiled and gave me a look like ok baby but not okay. My spirit would not allow me to feel anything different. As I drove away that evening for a 3-hour drive to drill, the sun was different, the vibe became different and something came over me. I had homework that was due by midnight so I checked into the hotel when I arrived, got food, and finished that up. Around 9 pm, I had not heard from anyone so I decided to try and call but didn’t get an answer. A few hours later, my uncle called, he was choked up and couldn’t speak. I knew then my grandmother had left me, I knew then that my spirit was protecting me. I knew then that my spirit wanted me to be gone from that hospital and hours away. The next day, a friend called who is a pastor and I told him I prayed with her and for her, and I believed she was going to be okay and here with me. He said that’s fine and great that you did but your will isn’t God’s will. He said to think about this, to be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord. She’s home and there is no more worrying and suffering. I thank God for that perspective and I realized that had my spirit not been in control of me during all that time, I would not have known how to process, get through that time. God kept my spirit intact so that I would be able to receive what he was getting ready to do. I was truly saved in January 2015 and she departed in March 2016. He prepared my spirit for her transition.
Your spirit is who you are and it plays a very vital role in how we process, think, and react to all the curve balls life throws. Feed your spirit with good food! Place positive things in your spirit so when things happen you can deal with them in a healthy and positive way without harboring them to destroy your mental and emotional being later in life. Although I miss my grandmother dearly, I am very grateful that my spirit was in control!
Here are a few helpful tips to help put your spirit in control:
- Meditate, read positive words and pray
- Daily Affirmations
- Do things that make you happy
- Do not place other people’s happiness above your own
These things take practice so practice with your spirit to get your spirit right and in control, there’s peace in doing so!!
Katrina S. Williams