I Quit!!!

pexels-photo-936069
Freedom is something that is unmatched to any physical thing that we obtain in life. It helps carry us in ways that will leave us feeling whole. Are you ready to feel whole?

So I Quit…

‪I stopped trying to please people and it felt rejuvenating. After a lifetime of being a people pleaser and over compensator, I left those titles and characteristics behind.

What did I leave behind?

-Stagnation. 

-Heartbreak.

-Co-Dependence. 

-Toxic traits.

-Unhealthy relationships.

-Manipulation.

-Debt.

What did I gain?

-Self-control.

-Power over my destiny.

-Freedom.

-More time and energy for myself.

-Brain space to engage in gaining more knowledge and wisdom.

-Me, I gained ME!

It had been a long time coming. It was damaged behavior over time‬ until I was living in the damage, consciously. Now, who would want to be in this state when you have a strong awareness? Do you know you have the ability to change it and have all the options to do so but stick with it? That’s trauma within itself. So I leaped off into my next destiny, identifying the ugly truth of it all that, “I made a choice to overly give into others who wouldn’t do the same for me.”

Ok, now that was harsh! But it’s the truth, this was all of my doing. Although I learned the behavior, I continued to take ownership of it and fancy it up to soothe my own needs. The whole time I was doing that, I wasn’t fully aware of what my own needs were. Ahhh, that sounds very foolish of me but that’s the reality of it all. 

So here I am, 2 years later and I’ve released a lifetime of unhealthy traits in a short period of time. It was needed and the best thing that I did was to take accountability for my own actions within the chaos I experienced. I formulated a better me, a safe and happy me. So when I speak to myself, I’m no longer a mad me, trying to play the victim and accuse everyone else of doing bad to me.

I take full responsibility and ownership of me. I am proud of myself. Now it’s time for you to do the same for you!

Check out our Wellness Services & Products page for additional resources.

Shawnee Palmer, LCSW, LAC
Alpine’s Empowerment Agency, LLC
Shawnee@alpinesempowermentagency.com
Love & Serenity Wellness
Reiki/Coaching

The Unsettling Feelings of Anxiety!

close up of dog

From childhood to adulthood— at some point in your life you’ve experienced an anxious moment. It’s a part of the usual human emotions that we all feel however it affects different people in many different ways. How you handle it is based upon how you view the feeling of nervousness, how you’ve seen others handle it, ways in which you’ve mostly handled it, what you think about yourself when experiencing it and your ability to control it.

Have you ever felt nervous about doing a speech in front of a class? Mostly everyone has some nerve-wracking feeling before but many can feel calmer when the speech is over. Have you ever sat in class after a speech and started to worry more about how others viewed your speech and things that you could’ve done differently with the speech? Did it linger on to the point where you lost focus and wasn’t able to hear the other student’s speeches?

This is just one example of how an anxious moment transitions into a full-blown episode of anxiety. One that becomes physically uncomfortable and hard to break free from once you’re in it. How do you manage this better? Have you tried taking deep breaths to calm you down and it didn’t work? Have you tried to distract yourself by doing an activity but you still find it hard to focus? Once you’ve reached this point, your brain has been invested in the situation. That’s why it’s important to implement skills to help you better handle it. Many people turn to unhealthy ways to manage anxiety rather it be cigarettes, food, alcohol, sex, or gossip. All these things provide you with an outlet of distraction however it does not help fix the underlying cause!

So what could the underlying cause look like? It could be fear of being rejected by others, fear that you will be harmed in some way or another person will be harmed, anger about lack of control over a situation, person or thing, fear of abandonment and the list could go on!

So why do we choose to focus on something that causes us great stress and fear? Sometimes it’s as simple as the fact that this is normal behavior for society. There isn’t a clear blueprint that’s given out to the masses of people that say “Hey, you’re going to be anxious about some things however you can handle it another way besides stressing about it.”

Overall, you want to find out what works best for you to tackle anxiety before it attacks you. What does this look like? It ranges from many different things such as how you respond to fears in general, your interactions with people, control over your life, or things that you do routinely to bring you peace.

Setting healthy boundaries for yourself is most important! Boundaries can give you an outlet to hold yourself accountable for the things that you do and how you respond. Boundaries teach you how to treat yourself and how others are to treat you.

Besides boundaries here are some other things that you can do:

  • Pray or meditate to release the emotion and find comfort and peace.
  • Listen to soothing music such as frequency sounds to calm you.
  • Write about your experience through journaling, poetry, songwriting or storytelling.
  • Talk to a trustworthy friend, family member, or colleague about what’s bothering you.
  • Engage in physical activities such as walking, jogging or running for 15 minutes.
  • Dance and sing to your favorite song as if you’re performing.
  • Color or do a crossword puzzle.
  • Watch your favorite comedy or tv show.
  • Spend time near a body of water or an open area where you can connect with nature.
  • Pick an activity that always brings you joy and do it!

Check out our Wellness Services & Products page for additional resources.

Shawnee Palmer, LCSW, LAC
Alpine’s Empowerment Agency, LLC
Shawnee@alpinesempowermentagency.com
Love & Serenity Bookstore
Bj’s Bookstore
Reiki/Coaching

Teaching Your Child Self-Love

It’s important that children are given not only shelter, food & clothing but tools to help them to love themselves. Unfortunately, this is a common skill that kids lack! It’s a caretaker’s responsibility to provide kids with tools to help them feel more confident about themselves. This could minimize anxiety and depressive symptoms in addition to self-harming behaviors. This is just a quick reference, however if you have other options to add, please feel free to leave a comment with the suggestion!

1. Teach your kids about their characteristics.

2. Normalize the behaviors that do not cause harm to themselves or others.

3. Avoid calling them weird if they do things differently from you.

4. Support & encourage their interests.

5. Talk to them to get a better understanding of the things they enjoy.

6. Normalize their differences from others by making them feel good & not bad.

7. Find things that are unique about yourself and share it with them.

8. Allow them to make mistakes! Remember you were once their age and didn’t know it all.

Check out our Wellness Services & Products page for additional resources.

Shawnee Palmer, LCSW, LAC
Alpine’s Empowerment Agency, LLC
Shawnee@alpinesempowermentagency.com
Bj’s Bookstore
Reiki/Coaching

Bully Interventions for Parents/Caregivers

In today’s society, bullying is being taken to an extreme where kids are fearful of peers/attending school, self-harming, traumatized, committing suicide and have low self-esteem amongst many other things. It’s a topic that has been normalized in the past and written off as usual kid behavior. However, is usual kid behavior more harmful than it used to be?

Bullying is difficult to prevent however following up with your children, school officials and other youth can soothe a bullying event and cause less damage to the child if there is a quick follow-up.

Have routine conversations with your children about appropriate and inappropriate talk with peers.

  1. Teach them how to express their emotions and manage them.
  2. Notify school officials to report the bullying and get a clear understanding of their policy and what next steps are going to be taken on their behalf.
  3. Provide your children with extra support and positive affirmations to help them positively view themselves.
  4. Speak with them about bullying and attempt to refrain from showing aggressive emotions in response.
  5. Show that you’re in control so that they feel protected giving you the information.
  6. Encourage your child to think about how it would feel if they were the other child who is being bullied.
  7. Teach them alternative ways to control & manage their anger ie: talking about their feelings to a friend or family member, reading a book, journaling, or doing physical activities.
  8. Keep them involved or connected with a community agency that encourages self-love and teaches life skills.

Check out our Wellness Services & Products page for additional resources.

Shawnee Palmer, LCSW, LAC
Alpine’s Empowerment Agency, LLC
Shawnee@alpinesempowermentagency.com
Bj’s Bookstore
Reiki/Coaching

Limited, Emotional Support System

Are you always considered the strong one within your family, a circle of friends, colleagues or relationships in GENERAL? Tired of feeling like you have no outlet to expressing yourself and seeking guidance?

The role that you play in other’s lives is mighty but pouring from an empty cup leaves you, well EMPTY! Here’s an article that gives you tips on things that you can do to overcome feelings of not being supported.

Be sure to download your free worksheet on “Converting Your Weaknesses into STRENGTHS!”

Life can be hard however, you don’t have to just let it be! You have the power to do so much more!

Here are some ways to better handle having a lack of support within your life:
____________________________________________________________
1. Make a list of specific things that you desire to have support on ie: relationship issues, entrepreneurship challenges, expression of feelings towards stressors, etc.

2. Write about your ideal support system and visualize what that would look like.

3. Identify people who have been willing to be supportive of you and spend more time with them.

4. Identify those who have not been supportive and minimize expectations of them. Find alternative things that they provide you with and set boundaries with yourself to prevent the build-up of negative emotions towards them.

5. Connect with people who have similar interests as you.

6. Attend networking or social events by yourself. By doing this, you will place yourself in a position to connect with more people.

7. Seek support groups within your local area or via online communities.

Check out our Wellness Services & Products page for additional resources.

Shawnee Palmer, LCSW, LAC
Alpine’s Empowerment Agency, LLC
Shawnee@alpinesempowermentagency.com
Bj’s Bookstore
Reiki/Coaching

Adult Sibling Rivalry!–It DOES exist!

IMG_6517

Ever had an issue with a sibling as an adult and it felt like the end of the world? When you were a kid and got into a disagreement with a sibling, you probably had the issue one minute but was back to playing with each other the next minute. As an adult, it probably feels like you have lost your best friend and feel disappointment along with anger. Have you ever realized that those emotions linger on a little longer than you would have liked? Have you thought to yourself, “Man, I would love to pick up with phone and call my brother or sister, but we are not talking at the moment?” These emotions often happen with adult siblings. Everyone is older now and has a different mindset versus how they thought about things as a child. The way that adults think is based on their personalities, experiences and values and beliefs.

Do you often feel that your values and beliefs do not align with your adult siblings? This is a major component. When you think and act differently from others it is necessary to understand their point of view and how it aligns with yours. For example, if you once had a sibling that was highly supportive of you and then you start to notice their behaviors changing over time towards you, ie: lack of support of jealous remarks. Most likely this person has some issues within themselves based on their own personal experiences that have caused them to shift their attitude towards you.

Ever felt like you wanted to verbally attack a sibling because of their irrational behavior? Maybe the thought has come across your mind? Well, do not do it! If you’ve at some point in your life, had a close and loving relationship there is hope that in the future you will be able to have that again. Even if you aren’t as close, you could at least be social with each other during family functions. Or if children are involved, such as either of you having children that have a good relationship with the sibling, it’s important to think about all parties involved and how it will affect them.

Repairing a relationship with a sibling often requires a lot of patience and time. Are you feeling the need to start working towards it? If so, that’s great, I have some tips on ways that you can work towards that. If you are not ready, that is fine also. Sometimes we have to take a step back and focus on ourselves before we are ready to repair a relationship with another person.

Tips:

  1. A desire.
  2. Open Mindedness.
  3. Clear communication and ideas about what you have issues with.
  4. Ability to understand or meet the other person where they are at.
  5. Realize what you have control over how you respond to everything. Allow things to be a lesson learned rather than identify the situation as an emotion.
  6. Confrontation techniques. Be mindful of the tone and body language.
  7. Active Listening.
  8. Accepting harsh feedback.
  9. Responding with clear thoughts.
  10. Things to consider prior to speaking with them irrational vs rational thoughts about speaking with them.
  11. Set an intention for the purpose of the talk prior to speaking with the other person.

HAPPY HEALING FOR ALL!

-Alpine’s Empowerment Agency

Motivating Children

Motivating your children to do an activity can be hard nowadays. Children are often to focused on cartoons, video games or music. As parents we sometimes become so caught up in wanting our children to just listen to us! Realistically, children do not always understand the purpose of why we are wanting them to do an activity and look at it as being work. Now if you felt that something was going to be just work, would you want to do it? Probably not but you would do it anyway. Remember that feeling that you would have if you were forced to do a task that you really didn’t want to do.

Children’s brains are not developed enough to understand logic and reasoning on the same level that you do. So, do you know what you have to do? Meet them where they are at! Approach them with a more simple, logic technique and make it fun! If you want your child to do something, pay attention to the tone in which you present the idea to them.

Here are a few tips to consider when motivating your child:

  1. Encourage children to learn about new things.
  2. Think about things that motivate you and how you usually respond. (Remember children mock their parent’s behaviors.)
  3. Provide them with choices so that they can get used to feeling empowered.
  4. Give love to them daily.
  5. Give them room to make mistakes. (Do you know someone who has never made a mistake? No, me neither!)
  6. Try not to repeat generational disciplining actions just because you experienced it.
  7. Understand that no two children are alike. Find comfort in seeing the difference between how you expect your child to be versus how they are.